Good leaders must lead by example. Likewise, parents must do the same.  These tips will help you apply leadership skills to parenting, especially if you or your child have ADHD.  Through their actions, which are aligned with what they say, a leader becomes a person others want to follow. When leaders or parents say one thing but do another, they erode trust, a critical element of productive leadership and parenting. Here are 10 of the dozens of ways to lead by example.

1. Take responsibility. Blame costs you your credibility, keeps team and/or family members on the defensive and ultimately sabotages real growth.

2. Be truthful. Inaccurate representation affects everyone. Show that honesty really IS the best policy.

3. Be courageous. Walk through fire (a crisis) first. Take calculated risks that demonstrate commitment to a larger purpose.

4. Acknowledge failure. It makes it OK for your team or your children to do the same and defines failure as part of the process of becoming extraordinary.

5. Be persistent. Try, try again. Go over, under or around any hurdles to show that obstacles don’t define your company or family.

6. Create solutions. Don’t dwell on problems; instead be the first to offer solutions and then ask your team for more.

7. Listen. Ask questions. Seek to understand. You’ll receive valuable insights and set a tone that encourages healthy dialogue.

8. Delegate liberally. Encourage an atmosphere in which people can focus on their core strengths.

9. Take care of yourself. Exercise, don’t overwork, take a break. A balanced team, mentally and physically, is a successful team. Model it, encourage it, support it!

10. Roll up your sleeves. Like Alexander the Great leading his men into battle, you’ll inspire greatness in your company and family.

What do you think?  Are leadership and parenting similar?  How would you describe it?

Author’s content used under license, © 2011 Claire Communications

Have you ever been embarrassed in public by what has come out of your child’s mouth? Has your son ever shocked you with a statement or phrase you are sure he’s never heard from you?  Do you find yourself feeling so frustrated at your kids poor choice of words or gestures?

Enter a world you were sure you would never visit, let alone set “camp” there:

The world of back-talk and disrespect!

Many of the parents I work with find themselves baffled by their child’s behavior when it comes to sassy talk.  As our children get older their vocabulary expands and their knowledge of the world around them expands.  They start to differentiate from us and with that, we are sometimes faced with their use of seemingly disrespectful tones and attitudes.  If you combine their use of words with gestures and actions you can end up wondering who has taken possession of your formerly sweet child!
One thing to remember is that our children are negotiating the world around them and don’t always have the appropriate tools to achieve their ultimate goal: to be heard and have their needs met.
Many times, parents find themselves exhausted and feeling like things are spinning out of control while they are desperately trying to keep the balance. When you feel like you are “parenting under fire”, feeling like you don’t even know how to respond to your kids sassy behavior, remember “only one of you can have a meltdown at a time”.

Some suggestions to help you navigate successfully the waters of backtalk:

1. Set clear limits and boundaries as well as consequences for transgressions.  Let your child know clearly and lovingly what behavior is not acceptable and make those your “family rules”. In our home, we have the rule that if you “hit you sit”, making it clear to even the smallest child that there are clear and definite consequences if she decides to use her fists instead of her words.
2. Follow through with consequences:  Enforcing the rules we have taken time and care to establish is not always pleasant or even convenient. But our children are watching everything we do and holding us accountable for the things we say to them.   Kids need to know what is expected of them but they also need to know that the rules apply consistently. If you agreed that there will be no TV if your son uses a disrespectful tone or word, make sure to follow through: treat consequences as promises you have made to yourself and to your child. It will ensure that your children know that you say what you mean and mean what you say!
3. Become the Sherlock Holmes in your family!  Make sure to take the time to be a detective and find all the times when your child IS using his manners and choosing to act respectfully. Our children learn stronger lessons when we encourage their strengths instead of focusing only on their misbehavior. We get more of what we focus on!!  The more you genuinely praise their efforts and recognize their victories, the more they learn that you “see” them in their wholeness as a person, not just as the brat that you are always nagging at. You encourage more of the behavior you want by focusing on what is already working!

Sandra Huber is the “soul” and parent coach behind the Soulful Parent. Sandra’s mission is to empower moms of tweens ages 7 to 11 years old, to find their own parenting voice, recognizing that they are their child’s best expert. She understands that your kids, your family and your life are as individual as your fingerprints. Through seminars, blog articles, her own radio show and speaking engagements, Sandra brings humor and hope to moms all across the country, with practical solutions to solve issues ranging from defiance and disrespect, to tweens body issues. To learn more about her work with busy moms check out her website www.thesoulfulparent.com and her  Facebook Fan Page at www.facebook.com/thesoulfulparent.

7:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. $25

Do you want to help your child or teenager overcome ADHD, ADD or other attention-related challenges and help him/her prepare for transitions in school and life?  As this school year draws to a close, now is the time to plan for next school year, especially if your student has a transition to college, high school or middle school in the fall.

This interactive class will explore the ways in which you can coach your child or teenager to best prepare for this important time in his/her life.  You will learn strategies to help your child right away and develop an action plan to address one of your specific goals.

Register at The Community House.

Rochester (MI) Community House

March 8 & 15, 2010
7:00 p.m. – 8:30 p.m.    $20 for two sessions

In this interactive two-session workshop, participants will learn strategies to overcome the challenges related to Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  The workshop will equip parents to help children develop academic, social and family solutions.  Learn coaching techniques and establish time saving routines. Leave this workshop with an action plan tailored to at least two specific goals.  Having two sessions will allow participants to develop an action plan, implement it and refine it before implementing the plan for the long term.

Parents, college students and other adults who experience ADHD themselves or within their families will benefit from attending this workshop.

Cost is $20 payable to the Rochester Community House, in Rochester, Michigan.  See registration information below.  Contact Laura Rolands if you have any questions regarding the workshop or getting registered.

Registration Information

Pre-registration is required and is handled directly by the Rochester Community House. You can now also access the print version of the RCH class brochure and use the form to do a mail registration. To do so:

Click here for the printed RCH brochure.

Mail: Print the RCH sign-up form, fill it out and mail it with your check. Assume you are in the class, unless you hear otherwise. If you need confirmation, you must send a self-addressed, stamped envelope.

In Person: Drop off your completed sign-up form with cash or check (no credit cards) made out to Rochester Community House to the RCH office, located on the second floor. Office hours are 9:00 am to 4:00 pm, Monday through Friday.

Phone: No class holds will be given by phone. Call for class information only. Classes are booked on a first-come, first-served basis. We do not accept credit cards.

Refunds: A $10.00 cancellation fee will be charged if student cancels prior to first class. During the first two weeks, a student may withdraw with a pro-rated refund plus the $10.00 cancellation fee. After holding a class spot for two weeks, no refunds or credits are possible. A $10.00 fee will be charged for a check returned for insufficient funds. Full refunds will be mailed if RCH cancels class due to low enrollment.

Please double check your schedule before committing to any class. There are limits to class sizes and classes fill rapidly.

Children may not accompany adults to classes. It is distracting and unfair to other paying students.

For more information call the Community House at 248-651-0622.

February 8, 2010
7:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m.    FREE to CHADD Members or $5 donation

Coaching can provide children and teenagers who have ADHD with an avenue to set goals, develop robust action plans to achieve them and become more accountable for the follow up.  During this presentation, you will learn about coaching and how you can apply coaching tools at home.

Attend this meeting of the Western Wayne County CHADD chapter to learn what coaching does and how you can immediately apply the principles to your challenges.

Pre-registration is not required.  Meetings are held at Northville High School, room 141.

If you are interested in joining CHADD, see their website at www.CHADD.org.

Barbara Colorosa was the keynote speaker for tonight’s conference opening and she was phenomenal.  She has a book titled “Kids Are Worth It!” and the title of her talk was “Kids Are Worth It! Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline.”  You can find more information on her website at www.KidsAreWorthIt.com.  If you aren’t familiar with Barbara, you should check it out (especially the handouts and book selections).

There was so much to learn from her, I could type for hours.  Instead, I thought I would share the messages that resonated with me the most.  You can apply these concepts to any child and I think they are especially helpful for children with ADHD.  She talked about T.A.O. which she uses to represent Time, Affection and Optimism.  An underlying theme of her talk was that we should treat our kids the way we want to be treated.  Simple, but powerful, isn’t it?  

She started me thinking about ways I can implement T.A.O. at home with my own kids.  

From the Time standpoint, I spend more time with my kids now that I’m not in the corporate world, but Barbara has me thinking…. am I spending real quality time with them?  Sure, I’m home, but if I’m at the computer when I could be talking and visiting with them am I missing something?  I will challenge myself to spend more real time with my kids and be more present for them.

I think I do pretty well with Affection, except when the kids have misbehaved.  So the next time one of my kids misbehaves, I need to figure out how to stay more calm and show them affection while teaching them how to take responsibility for their mistake.  Barbara gave an example of time outs being used more as a cooling off period than a punishment – she mentioned that the cooling off period could be sitting on mom’s lap for younger children.  Something interesting to think about isn’t it?

Optimism presents a lot of different opportunities for me to model it to my kids.  In addition, I want to help them to learn to think more optimistically about school, friends, activities and life in general.  

If you are a parent, I would be thrilled to hear from you on this topic.  What do you think about T.A.O.?  How can you implement these principles in your home?